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Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Sneak Peak

Completely unexpected. It was the Tuesday before Thanksgiving last year. Early afternoon and we were all in the fellowship hall cleaning up from our high school Thanksgiving dinner. I was directing kids here and there and turned around to find him standing there...in for a short visit. His beauty had always been on my radar but this was different. All it took was a smile, the little phrase "hey buddy", and a hug and all of the sudden I couldn't breathe. My heart was beating so loud and fast that first time in my life I was actually afraid that it could be heard. I laughed it off and told myself it was nothing...I had no idea that my heart was giving me a sneak peak of what was to come. Love's funny that way...

Beginning of our story...

A conversation from my first year of college is haunting me somewhat at this late hour when I should be sleeping yet my recuperating body is not cooperating. I've been thinking much about the future lately (hmmm wonder why...43) and while I was trying to daydream myself to sleep my mind came across this little chat that has stuck with me. N was 24 and I was 17. As friendships in bible college go, we were quite the odd couple. He was sane, focused, ancient....I was crazy, naive, and very very young. We were on our way home from some kind of meeting and we were talking about a couple that had recently gotten engaged. I loved how everyone could tell they were supposed to be together....it was one of those things that when they looked at each other everyone knew...not just them. It wasn't that cheesy garbage that makes you want to slap them silly and say "wake up you idiots, it won't last" no it was that "wow chick flicks and fairy tales were written for a reason" kind of feeling. In my infinite innocence I declared that this is what I desired and the knowledge that I would never be happy with anything less. N moved out of his stoic self for a moment and became surprisingly animated as he made me swear to never settle for anything less, even if something almost as good came along. I of course crossed my heart and somehow determined in my little 17 year old mind that this crazy true know in my gut love would come someday. On certain days since then I have wondered if I cursed myself...I've even questioned if I would be willing to settle for less than this like so many of my friends have....the answer was always, "No." And now, almost ten years from that simple vow I understand why...It is worth it..."gulp"