Sunday, October 14, 2007
exhausted, emotionally drained, and overwhelmed with epiphanies - my feelings at this exact moment. Today was the first day of our teacher's retreat in Indy. Coming back to this place has brought memories, joys and sorrows of days past back in a real and slightly poignant way. So many dreams that were born in this city have since vanished completely to be replaced by other futures or have been so dramatically modified that I, their possessor, have difficulty in recognizing their original outline. I'm a planner, I plan, it's what I do, what I've always done. It's how I make it through the boring stretches and the uncontrollably tough bits. Those best laid plans of mice and melissa, however, have turned out to not be enough. I'm finally learning that planning is grand fine thing, but consulting God on those plans is beyond a courtesy, it is necessary. I am so full of worry about getting from "here" to "there" with the resources that I myself embody that I forget that He sees the End. He already knows the best path for my future because He SEES the End and if I would just take the minute to ask Him which way and how and then release my "there" to Him - all the stress, fretting, and worry will jump out the window - out the 16th story window of this high-rise of worry and self-doubt I have built beneath myself. He knows what I don't. He sees what I can't. Why would i ever try to put more trust in myself than i do in Him?