Thursday, December 6, 2007


So in our college and career class, we have been discussing sexuality and the single apostolic. This has included commentary on male/female relationships and a discussion of how often times guys look at girls as a conquest instead of something precious. This was my response to the discussion:

Single Apostolic Man,

Congratulations, you’ve just taken a huge step. Making the choice to be finished with childish flings and find yourself a woman, a whole godly woman is a decision to be commended. As you begin this journey, here are a few insights into the female mind from just such a one you might be searching for. Please accept this offering of wisdom in the spirit with which it is given. It is only meant to aid in your quest, not to criticize any of your previous or current qualities and/or actions.
In modern times, the male of our species has begun to look at the female as a conquest – just another sexual exploit to add to the list. Our take on this is as follows. We do not desire to be conquered by you – we are not a mountain to be scaled or the elusive 10-point buck you gleefully hunt down. Your stalking and then pouncing does not attract us to you and neither does your innuendo filled conversation. We need to be wooed, courted. This doesn’t always mean expensive gifts, flowers, or even incredibly earnest love poetry. Start small. Begin by being our friend. Earn our trust. Allow us to observe your integrity first hand. Show that your relationship with God means more than the one that you desire to experience with us. Don’t sweep us off our feet with empty pretty words accompanied by a hidden agenda. Build a line of honest communication instead – where you are not only willing to listen, but also to share of yourself – the deep parts of you that we may not have otherwise known existed.
If you believe you are ready for this endeavor, be prepared to put forth real effort for it. I promise you will not regret your investment. For you see, we are givers as well. Earn our trust and our adoration may very well follow. Treat us with respect and watch us begin to desire your input and value your opinion. Look beyond our bodies to our brains and find that we are someone you can not only physically desire, but who also can stimulate your mind and inspire your spiritual growth. Prize our purity and know that we are not dispassionate ice princesses. We also have desires. We just love God, ourselves, and our future mate far too much to cheapen the mind-blowing intimacy that is sex. We have much pleasure to give, but it is not yours to take. It remains carefully guarded awaiting its rightful recipient, our husbands.
We are women strong, yet soft, whole and beautiful – complete in our relationship with God, yet desirous of another type of relationship that will enrich our lives. Don’t be intimidated by our confidence, success, or intelligence. We aren’t looking for perfection. We wish only to be pursued by one who will truly see us for who we are and appreciate that which they perceive; a man of character to court us with respect, integrity, and purity. Our desire in two words….cherish us.


Single Apostolic Woman


Anonymous said...

Melissa, It sounds like you have been hanging around the wrong kind of apostolic guys- love ya, Aunt Val

Anonymous said...

I love you, but it sounds like you have been hanging around the wrong apostolic guys-love, your favorite aunt

V in the City said...

Aunt Val and whichever one of my aunts is claiming to be my favorite at this point,

The guys I actually hang out with don't act like this. This was for my college and career class in which there are several younger guys who have not had the best male role models. Aunt Val, your sons and my brother are lucky they have had parents that have shown them how women should be treated. Unfortunately thats not the case for a lot of guys and the guidance they recieve is often from peers or the media. Love ya...

Anonymous said...


So that you can narrow your favorite aunt down to 3 people, here's my comment: I am thankful there are still Apostolic women who are willing to wait until they find the person God has planned for them. I am also thankful that there are plenty of Apostolic Men who know how to treat women and also are waiting for the person God has planned for them. Unfortunately, not everyone who attends an an Apostolic church is seeking after the will of God.

I may not be your favorite aunt, but I love you too,
Aunt Susan

Anonymous said...


I appreciate your honesty and your advice to the Single Apostolic Man. I respond to this as an Apostolic man who has been down the Apostolic dating road (prayerfully never to return) and found a woman he can truly cherish and love. My following comments are not aimed at you, nor are they intended to fuel any divisive gender banter, but to convey the honesty needed from both sides at this crucial stage in life to any one who happens to read your blog.

It is true many men are unfortunately influenced by the mindsets of this world, and for that I make no excuse, but let me encourage the Single Apostolic Woman to a few charges.

Single men regard friendship and companionship as the first most important step, too.
Unfortunately many SAF’s are more interested in obtaining that oh so precious band around their left ring finger that the foundations for a good relationship are by-passed by their desire to fulfill adolescent delusions of that perfect relationship, man, and life. Mention of marriage too often precludes the basic understanding of our goals, desires, and ministries. Sadly many times this desire to have a husband supersedes the woman’s own understanding of her life goals and ministries as well. We are not looking to marry mindless slaves placed on this earth to solely submit or serve us. We are looking for a lifetime companion to share this wonderful life God has given us.

Secondly, we don’t want Oprah. While there was a time when we needed instruction on manners, behavior, and everyday decisions, we’ve grown up and desire the same respect women do for their God given roles. Expose yourself to any media for a short amount of time and it is clear manhood is under attack. We want to lead in the fashion God intended, but when our attempts fall short, criticism needs to be constructive and supportive, not degrading. Your role is not to change or “train” us.

Lastly, the reason there are men who are preoccupied with the “conquest” is because there are woman, even Apostolic women, who are playing the role of prey. Too many Christian women are selling themselves short in talk, in dress, and behavior because they believe the lies this world is feeding them. Following those trends is not the correct method to secure the kind of husband God desires for you. The prey then becomes a predator. Be rest assured that there are equally as many single Apostolic woman involved in the game as there are men. But it’s not a game! Men and women have equal calls to purity.

I am increasingly saddened as divorce rates rise within the church. I sincerely and strongly urge every single Apostolic man and woman to soberly examine their motives and desires, not only for the good of their own lives, but for the glory of Christ and the church.

V in the City said...

Paulie...I could not have said it better. I absolutely do not find your commentary offensive, in fact, I think many SAF's need to hear straight talk like this as well. We need to be reminded that we are worth something and should act in a manner which reflects that....Everythings else your said hit the nail right one the head as well...Thanks